


THB's No Good Very Bad Mission

by FlyingMachine1



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Merle Highchurch is a dad, Protective Merle and Magnus, Protective Taako, pretty much just an excuse for taako wump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22618507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingMachine1/pseuds/FlyingMachine1
Summary: A botched mission turns into an even worse evening for Tres Horny Bois. A worse evening turns into an awful one for Taako.This is pretty much just an excuse for gratuitous Taako wump with a healthy dose of found family.
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako, brief Taako & Angus, brief carey & magnus bffs
Comments: 9
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I can't believe this is finally done. It is waaaay longer than I had planned, so I split it up into two chapters. A warning: this is what I like to call my "first fic of the fandom," which tends to have just a whole bunch of wump, so yeah. Um. Expect that. On that note, there are some depictions of violence in this, so tread lightly if that is something you are uncomfy with. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy!

If you were to ask Taako how he was doing, the answer would be not great. In fact, he might go so far as to say pretty fuckin’ horrible. While Magnus would argue that they had technically not lost today’s fight, it could hardly be classified as a win.

They had been on their way to check out a tip the Director had gotten about the location of a relic. About six hours into their forest hike, they got the not-at-all-maddening message from the Bureau that the tip had been found faulty, and they should return to base as soon as possible.

So, a colossal waste of time then. Everyone loves those.

Just as they had turned around to begin the long slog back, however, things kept getting better. The first sign of trouble came in the form of an arrow shot directly into Merle’s wooden arm. Before the dwarf could even call out in alarm, a group of a dozen or so goblins came flooding from the trees, weapons drawn.

Of course, they had fought worse than thus. Tres Horney Boys should eat twelve angry goblins for breakfast. But maybe they were tired after the long and pointless trek or perhaps it was due to a general lack of moral because this was not a fight any of them would be bragging about anytime soon.

In the end, they had collectively taken down half of the goblins (not their best body count). The remaining six goblins seemed to all agree to cut their losses, and they went storming off back into the forest. In the course of the fight, however, both Merle and Taako had used up all their spell slots and then some, and Magnus had one sideburn partially singed off and a heavy limp from a deep cut to his thigh (not their best outcome).

And to top it all off, they were still a good four-hour trek from their pickup location. Oh, and it was getting dark. Was Taako forgetting anything?

Oh yeah. This sucked.

They set up camp a little ways off the path. There was no way they could make the journey back tonight with Magnus’s leg, despite the fighter’s fervent protests that he was fine, and he had had worse (which was true but not the point). Merle insisted that he could heal him up just fine in the morning once he had some time to recover his spell slots.

“Besides,” Merle added into his stone of farspeech as he relayed this information to the Director. “we’re all too exhausted to make it back tonight, even if we could move at top speed.”

“Do what you think is safest,” came her tidy reply, the tiniest bit of concern slipping past her professional front. “But check in again before the end of the night. I want a confirmation that everything has calmed down there.”

“Will do, boss lady!”

“…Merle, we’ve talked about this.”

The cleric let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Ha, right, no nicknames, sorry Madame Director.”

There was a beat of silence. “Just don’t forget to check in again.”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to spend the night with some choice plants, you perv.” Taako grumbled as Merle tucked the stone back in his bag. The elf was trying to throw together some sort of stew but was unhappy with the consistency. It was becoming much too lumpy for Taako’s primo standards. Never let it be said that Taako Taaco, you know, from TV? serves a subpar meal, not even in the middle of the goddamned woods.

“This _is_ a beautiful old growth forest…” Magnus swore the old man was smirking at the trees. He mimed vomiting.

“Oookay, that’s enough dirty plant talk for Taako,” the elf said quickly, standing up. “I’m going to get some more water for the stew. You chucklefucks had better keep your dirty mitts off it until I come back.” Taako narrowed his eyes menacingly, pointing his Umbra Staff, but they all knew it was an empty threat, what with the wizard being very much out of spell slots. He doubted he could even cast a cantrip at the moment with how utterly spent he felt.

Nonetheless, Merle and Magnus both raised their hands in surrender.

“Okay, but if you’re not back soon, I’m eating Merle.”

Taako scrunched up his nose as he gathered up some waterskins. “Gross-a-roonie.”

The elf left the other two bickering around the fire about who would be eating who first (“But Magnus, you’ve got more meat!” “Never mention my ‘meat’ again, old man. Yuck. Maybe I won’t eat you.”) as he made his way to a nearby creek.

As Taako got further from Merle and Magnus and their voices faded away, he felt his fatigue increasing. Maybe lumpy stew would be fine…

No, not even bone deep exhaustion would make Taako compromise his brand.

He walked the final few minutes to the creek enjoying the silence. It wasn’t often they got a moment of peace on this never ending suffer quest they were on. Would he rather be passed the fuck out in is bed back on the base? Hell yeah. But if he was going to be stuck planetside for the night, well then goddammit he was going to enjoy it.

The creek babbled joyously as Taako picked his way across the slick rocks to the water’s edge. He carefully knelt down and plunged the first of the two waterskins into the cold water, studying his reflection as he did so. The bags under his eyes were prominent, even in the low light. He looked just about as drained as he felt. Raising his free hand, Taako brushed his hair back off his face, trying to control the frizzy mess it had become as it slipped from its braid during the fight. Maybe he could convince Merle to rebraid it for him before bed. A payment for a bombass dinner, perhaps.

Just as he was going to switch out the full waterskin for an empty one, Taako caught something moving in the reflection on the water’s surface. Before he even had time to marvel at how spent he truly must be for him not to have heard someone approach with his elven hearing, Taako was shoved forcefully from behind and he plunged into the creek.

The water was just deep enough for Taako to be submerged up to his shoulders as he pitched forward, headfirst. His surprise quickly morphed into panic as he felt two strong hands holding his shoulders down, preventing him from raising his head out of the water. Taako flailed madly, acutely aware that the more he panicked, the quicker he would run out of air, but he was unable to fight his instinct to do literally anything to save himself from drowning.

It wasn’t long before black spots started dancing in Taako’s vision. He felt his thoughts go hazy, his mind going from madly focusing on getting free to thinking in annoyance that this was a dumb way to die. But hey, if he did die here, he would get to see Kravitz, which was a plus. He wondered if he would appear in his skeletor form or hot bod form. He hoped it would be the latter. Though would it really matter if Taako was dead?

Just as his eyes were beginning to flutter shut, Taako felt himself being pulled from the creek. He barely had time to suck in a desperate gulp of air before he was roughly thrown to the ground and the breath was knocked right back out of him.

Four goblins – some distant part of Taako’s mind recognized them as the survivors of the earlier raid – were on him immediately, each one pinning down a limb. Taako struggled against them as best he could, but between his bone deep exhaustion and the fog still clouding his mind from his near drowning, he didn’t have a lot of fight left in him. He reached deep within himself for any bit of magic, but he had well and truly exhausted his spell slots and his previous suspicion about not even being able to cast a cantrip was proving to be inconveniently true.

“Hmm, looks like we’ve only got one of them,” a gruff voice said. Taako craned his neck to look behind him where a fifth goblin was standing, looming down at him with disdain. “You and your friends killed half of my party, and I cannot let that stand. Where are the other two?”

“Look, homie, you’re the ones who attacked us, remember? I think this one’s on you.” Taako’s voice was thinner than he would have liked, but at least he was successful at keeping the shakiness out. He couldn’t let on that he was actually, maybe, just a little bit nervous. He was operating without any magic here, which was not a feeling he was used to. It left him feeling exposed in a way he hadn’t felt since… well, since before he learned how to use magic, which at this point felt like a lifetime ago.

This was apparently not the answer the goblin was looking for. They knelt down and roughly grabbed Taako by the hair, yanking his head back to put a jagged knife to his throat.

“I don’t care what you think, elf, I just want you to tell me where the other two fucks who killed my party are so that I can kill all three of you.”

“They left,” the lie was out of Taako’s mouth before he could even really think about it. Normally, Taako would be all about calling in the cavalry to kick some butt for him, but all he could picture was an exhausted Magnus and Merle sitting around the fire, the cleric just as fucked on spell slots as he was and the fighter with his bad leg propped up on a log next to him trying to swat away Merle’s concerned hands. Those two were just as bad off as he was; calling them in would be dooming them to whatever fate Taako had already screwed himself into. No, this time Taako would be taking one out of the Burnsides playbook and would do his damnedest to protect those two idiots.

“They went on to town. I stayed behind to collect spell components.” He took as deep a breath as he could without jostling the knife at his throat and looked the goblin in the eye with what he hoped was unwavering conviction. “I’m alone.”

The goblin held his gaze for an unnervingly long time before throwing Taako down and standing up. He had to resist the urge to sigh in relief.

“I see you’re not going to make this easy on me,” the goblin said, his back still facing Taako.

“I mean, this could be super easy,” the elf quipped. “You could let me go and we both go on our merry ways. Easy peasy.”

“I’m giving you one last shot to tell me where your friends are –”

“I told you, they’re gone –”

“This is me being nice, so I suggest you listen.”

Taako struggled once more against the four goblins but they held fast to his arms and legs. “Look, I said they’re long gone by now. Probably cozied up in some inn. If you head towards town, I’m sure you’ll find them there.”

The goblin let out a deep sigh before turning to face Taako. They walked over and crouched down next to him, cocking their head to one side.

“See, here’s the thing,” they began in a scolding tone that immediately made Taako nervous. “there is no town around these parts for miles. There’s no way your friends could have made it to one before sundown, especially not in the state we left them in. So unfortunately,” the goblin said, leaning forward and dropping their voice to a whisper. “ _I think you’re lying_.”

“No – I – they went on ahead, my man, I don’t know what to tell ya!” Taako’s voice was high with panic as he struggled in earnest against his captors. “I’m alone! It’s just me!”

“Well then maybe we should get their attention,” the goblin said in a tone that sent a fresh thrill of terror down the elf’s spine. Taako watched with wide eyes as the goblin stood and walked over to the smaller goblin holding down his left leg. They unstrapped an extremely heavy looking war hammer from the smaller one’s back and hefted it in their hands as if testing the weight. Their dark eyes flickered from the hammer to Taako.

“W-what are you doing?” Taako couldn’t help the quiver in his voice now.

“It’s not what I’m doing, elf, it’s what _you’re_ doing.”

“Being set free to go about my business?” Taako tried in a high voice. The goblin chuckled.

“No, you’re calling your friends.” And with that, the goblin hefted the hammer over their head and brought it down in a vicious arc on Taako’s leg.

~~~~~

“Okay, Merle, I know I said you were too gross to eat, but if Taako takes much longer, I’m going to have to actually eat you. I’m starving.”

“First of all, rude,” Merle began, crossing his arms. “and second, we could just eat the stew now. It definitely smells done.”

It was true, the smell coming off the stew was tauntingly good. Magnus was fairly convinced that he and Merle both deserved an award for resisting dinner – and a Taako from TV dinner, nonetheless – for this long.

“I think starving to death is a better fate than facing the wrath of a Taako whose food process was interrupted.” Magnus said. He spoke with the confidence of someone who had most certainly endured that wrath before and just narrowly avoided not living long enough to tell the tale.

“Fuckin’ annoying elf,” Merle grumbled, but he still didn’t make a move towards the stew.

They sat for a few more minutes in their exhaustion, the only sounds breaking the silence of the night were the crackling of the fire and the rumbling of their stomachs. Eventually, Magnus spoke again, unknowingly predicting the very thought running through Merle’s mind.

“Should we be worried? He has been gone for a while now…”

“He probably got distracted by his own reflection in the creek.” The cleric said gruffly, but there wasn’t much of his usual ire in it.

Magnus chuckled, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Yeah, probably.” Another few moments of silence passed. “Maybe I should go look –”

Magnus was interrupted by a chilling sound ripping through the forest, shattering the peaceful silence and sending ice through their veins.

Magnus didn’t care about his leg and Merle didn’t even spare a thought to his lack of spell slots. They both bolted up and grabbed their weapons, taking only a moment to exchange a frantic look before tearing off into the forest, chasing the fading echoes of Taako screaming in excruciating pain.

They didn’t get too far before they heard another scream, this one a bit quieter than the last, but it ended in a choked sob that caused Merle and Magnus to increase their speed. They could hear voices now, not too far ahead, but they couldn’t make out what they were saying.

They continued to tear recklessly through the forest, Magnus fully intent on rushing in and Merle not far behind when they heard Taako’s voice yell “ _Stop_!” which instinctively brought them both to a halt. Upon creeping closer, however, the two quickly realized that the command was not meant for them. They saw Taako pinned to the ground by four goblins with a fifth standing above him. The fifth goblin had one booted foot pressed down on Taako’s leg and was speaking.

“You might as well tell me where the others are now. I’m sure they’ll be rushing to your rescue at any moment.”

“I already told you,” Taako grit out between pants, his voice thin and ragged with pain. “They’re long gone. I’m alone.”

Magnus and Merle glanced at each other in confusion.

“Oh, so you’re saying they might be too far to have heard you? We’ll just try again, then.”

The gorblin pressed down on Taako’s leg with his foot, tearing another yell out of the elf, who struggled fruitlessly against his captors.

Magnus felt every nerve in his body fire in pure rage as he started towards the goblins who dared to hurt his friend but was stopped by Merle’s strong grip on his wrist.

“Magnus, wait!” he hissed. Magnus looked down at him like he was out of his mind.

“What do you mean ‘wait?’ They’re _hurting_ Taako!”

“I know that,” the uncharacteristic fury in Merle’s voice was more than enough proof of that for the fighter. “But we can’t just rush in, not in the state we’re in.”

“Merle, I’m fine –”

“I’m out of spell slots and you’re injured. If we don’t go in with a plan, we’ll get Taako killed.”

Magnus stopped to consider this. Deep down, he knew Merle was right. They had to do this carefully or they weren’t going to be able to do this at all. As Taako’s scream died down into keening whimpers, Magnus squared his shoulders and nodded at Merle.

“Fine. What’s the plan?”

“I’ll head around back, and you stay here.” Merle began. “On my signal, we run in and surprise them. You take the big one and I’ll work on the smaller ones.” Magnus nodded. He most certainly could do that. “And not a second sooner, Magnus, I mean it.” Merle said sternly as he began walking off. Magnus just heard him mumble before he slipped out of sight, “I can’t’ afford to lose both of you tonight.”

Magnus watched Merle go and then his eyes were back to being glued on Taako.

“I’m tellin’ you, m-my guy, they- they ain’t comin’,” Taako slurred out. His voice was shaking and had a desperate edge to it that Magnus hated. Merle had better hurray up; he wasn’t sure how long he could just sit back and watch his friend suffer.

The goblin stood quietly for a moment, eyes roving the surrounding trees. Magnus had no idea how Merle was moving silently enough not to attract his attention. He supposed the cleric could be extremely competent when it truly mattered.

“Maybe we should send out a search party, boss,” the goblin holding Taako’s right arm said. Magnus didn’t miss how his friend struggled harder at this suggestion.

“Yeah, but what would we do with him?” the goblin holding the Taako’s other arm asked, nodding down at the elf.

The large goblin took a few more seconds to stare off into the forest before he turned and walked back toward Taako. Magnus felt himself grow more and more on edge with every step taken toward the wizard. His grip on his axe tightened.

“Well,” the big goblin sighed, staring down at Taako. “I suppose one is better than none. We kill this one and go look for the others.”

Nope. Uh-uh. That just wasn’t going to fly. Magnus lifted his axe and happened to just catch the familiar bird call that was Merle’s go-to signal as he crashed out of the bushes and rushed in.

~~~~~

Now this was more like it. Magnus had caught the big goblin by surprise and he just barely had time to open his mouth in shock before Magnus had lopped his head clean off. A little over the top for the fighter’s usual style, but Magnus had no tolerance for bullies, especially when it came to Taako and Merle.

For his part, the cleric was just as lethal with the four goblins holding Taako down. He hadn’t quite gotten into position when he heard the big one threatening to kill Taako. Merle might be a shitty cleric, but he would give his other arm for either of those two idiots he couldn’t seem to shake, and no goblins were going to take them away from him now.

So, Merle gave the signal, pulled out his war hammer, and jumped into the clearing, swinging it at the closest foe. He managed to take out both the goblins holding Taako’s arms before the remaining two caught up with what was happening. They released the elf and stood, but they didn’t get too far before one was met with Magnus’s weapon and the other with Merle’s.

For a few moments, all was still, the sounds of Merle and Magnus’s heavy breathing filling the clearing. Then, as one, the two of them rushed to Taako’s side. The elf was curled up with his hands hovering above his leg as if he was afraid to touch it. When Magnus put a hand on his shoulder, he flinched and turned to look up at his companions with wide eyes. There was a beat of silence, and then,

“Why couldn’t you t-two have fought that well the first time around?”

“A ‘thank you’ would suffice, you ungrateful brat,” Merle said, but his voice had no heat to it as his eyes meticulously roved over the elf for signs of injury. They stopped on his leg.

“What the hell happened?” Magnus demanded as he moved his hand from Taako’s shoulder to his chest. “And why are you wet?”

Taako swallowed hard and it was then that Magnus realized how badly the elf was shaking. He was too, if he was being honest with himself.  
“I got ambushed for revenge; I thought that was obvi- _ah_!”

Taako’s explanation was cut off with a yelp as Merle prodded at his leg.

“Taako, this is pretty badly broken,” he said, the fact that his concern was noticeable in his voice was a clear sign of how serious the brake was. “How did this happen?”

Magnus could feel Taako’s shivering increase under his hand as the elf looked anywhere but at his companions. “They, ah, held me down and the big one got a hammer and…” Taako gestured down toward his leg and let out a high laugh that sounded more panicked than amused. “He had quite the swing!”

“Fuck,” Magnus swore, pushing himself up to his feet and pacing in his anger. He was clenching and unclenching his hands as he longed to kill that goblin all over again.

“We’ve got to get you back to the fire,” Merle said, going into full on cleric mode. “I can brace it for you tonight and do some spells on it in the morning, but a break this bad is going to take multiple days to heal, even with the B.O.B.’s clerics.”

It was a sign of how much pain Taako must have been in that he didn’t comment on Merle’s bad timing with his lack of spell slots. He just closed his eyes and nodded, swallowing hard.

Magnus returned to Taako’s side. “This is probably going to hurt,” the fighter warned as he knelt down to scoop up his friend.

“You and me both, pal,” replied Taako, nodding to the cut on Magnus’s leg.

As it turned out, they were both right. Magnus grunted in pain as he hefted Taako up as gently as he could, increasing the weight on his bad leg. With the adrenaline worn off, he was really starting to feel the sting of that cut. As Magnus slipped an arm under his legs, Taako had bitten down hard on his lip to avoid crying out, but when he was lifted and his leg was made to bend just a little, he couldn’t help the sharp yelp that forced itself through his clenched teeth.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry,” Magnus was repeating under his breath, and by the pained look on Merle’s face, his inability to cast healing spells on the other two members of his party was really wearing on him.

“It’s okay,” Taako gasped out, his hands gripping the material of Magnus’s shirt so hard his knuckles turned white.

The walk back to the fire seemed to stretch out forever, and with each passing moment Taako’s breaths were coming in more and more labored pants while Magnus’s limp grew increasingly pronounced. Merle ran ahead to gather supplies and ready the campsite for the other two, promising Taako to take his stew off the fire when the elf had nearly thrown himself out of Magnus’s grasp as he remembered the dish.

“You good, Maggie?” Taako asked quietly in one whoosh of breath as Magnus swore under his breath at a rock that nearly caused him to trip.

“Oh yeah,” he reassured. “I’m fine. Just a flesh wound.” Magnus looked down at Taako, bunching his eyebrows in concern at how pale the elf was. “How are you doing?”

“Taako’s good out here,” came the rote reply, though his voice, high and tight with pain, sounded anything but.

“We’re almost there, just hold on,” Magnus wasn’t sure whether he said this for Taako’s benefit or his own. Nevertheless, the fighter was right. A few more limping steps and Magnus could see the light of the fire casting shadows through the trees ahead. He quickened his pace as much as his aching body would let him, and soon was back in their little camp, carefully kneeling down to put Taako by the fire on the bedroll Merle had laid out.

There was no avoiding it – as Magnus set Taako down, the elf’s leg straightened, causing him to groan in pain. Magnus, for his part, simply collapsed next to Taako, unable to keep himself upright on his injured leg any longer. He dragged himself over so that he was situated with Taako’s head in his lap, Magnus’s fingers running through his tangled hair in a gesture he hoped was calming.

Meanwhile, Merle made his way over with an armful of supplies that he laid out in a neat row next to Taako. Magnus could see tree branches of various lengths and thicknesses, a knife, a shirt – his own, he noted with a passing indignation – ripped up into ribbons of fabric, and bowls of various substances that he couldn’t identify, but if the pungent herby smell was anything to go off of, were probably some sort of wound treatment. After he finished laying out his materials, Merle looked up at Magnus, his face grim.

“Now comes the fun part,” the cleric said drawing a breathy laugh from Taako.

“Merle, have I ever c-complimented you on your im-impeccable bedside manner?” the elf joked, but the way his voice caught betrayed his fear at the words. Magnus reached down to take one of Taako’s shaking hands in his own. The elf’s grip was almost painfully tight.

“We need to brace your leg,” Merle said, ignoring Taako’s comment. “It’ll feel a hell of a lot better after we do, but I won’t sugarcoat this, it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker.”

Taako closed his eyes and nodded, taking a deep breath before a ghost of his usual cocky grin pulled at his lips. “Well, it’s already b-broken, so I guess even you c-couldn’t do any more damage.”

Magnus almost laughed at that but was quickly sobered by Merle reaching for the knife. “I’m just going to start by cutting off your pant leg.”

“Y-you’re buying me n-new pants,” Taako’s voice was shaking nearly as badly as the rest of him now, and Magnus put his free hand to the side of Taako’s face, rubbing a thumb over his sharp cheekbone in an effort to give some sort of comfort. He wasn’t used to seeing Taako scared and every instinct in him was screaming for him to do something about it.

It was a testament to Merle’s skill as a cleric that he was able to keep his hands steady enough to not jostle Taako’s leg as he cut away the legging. As the fabric fell away, Magnus found himself having to look away as Merle sucked in a breath through his teeth. Magnus had never been squeamish around injuries – being a fighter unfortunately meant he had seen his fair share, both on his opponents and on himself – but it was hard to see such a gruesome injury on a friend. Taako’s leg was shaped… wrong. There was a large dent on the front of his shin, causing the back to bend unnaturally. The whole area was swollen and bruised black and purple, while a deep gash sliced across the front of his leg where the hammer had split the flesh. Magnus felt Taako begin to look down at his leg, but he used the hand on his face to tilt his chin back up.

“Don’t look at it,” he said in a soft voice, trying hard not to betray the fear he was feeling. “Just look at me, yeah? Just focus on me. You’re going to be fine.”

Taako looked up at Magnus and nodded. If Magnus wasn’t so preoccupied with fighting down the rising nausea at the thought of what he knew was to come, he might have been touched by the trust in Taako’s eyes.

“Magnus,” Merle began in a low voice, clearly trying not to draw Taako’s attention. “I need you to hold him still.”

Magnus made a keening sound in the back of his throat. Gods, he didn’t know if he could do this. Merle’s gaze softened slightly. “I know, buddy, but it’ll make this go faster. It’ll help him.” Magnus nodded and adjusted his position. As gently as he could, he grabbed Taako under the arms and dragged him backwards until he was propped up against his broad chest, continuing to mumble apologies as Taako hissed at the movement. He then wrapped his arms around the elf’s shoulders in what would have been a standard, if not a bit secure, Burnsides embrace under any other circumstances.

“Now, Taako, I am going to do this as quickly as I can, alright?” Merle’s tone was steady, his mask of professionalism nearly perfect, but Magnus could see through the cracks. His eyes were a bit red behind his glasses and his mouth was pinched, his jaw tight. Merle was just as scared as he was, Magnus realized, but he was doing a damn good job of pretending he wasn’t. “It’s important that you try and stay still. I only want to do this once.”

“Just-t do it,” Taako grit out, his hands coming up to hold onto Magnus’s arm as his shuttering breaths came out faster and harsher.

“Alright, son, here we go,” and as Merle grabbed Taako’s leg and pulled, there were a series of popping noises that rang throughout their little camp, followed by a beat of complete silence.

And then screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final installment! Thank you all for reading! I should mention that I have never played D&D before, so some of my mechanics might not be technically true but... this is fiction so just ignore it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“It’s alright, Taako, I’ve got you, it’s okay!” Magnus frantically called over the elf’s earsplitting shrieks of pain. He was trying his best to keep his friend still, but Taako was thrashing wildly in his arms, desperately trying to get away from the pain. He may be a slight elf, perhaps no more than half Magnus’s weight, but Taako was surprisingly strong. Magnus adjusted his grip and dared to squeeze just a little bit harder, intensely aware of the fact that this amount of pressure was toeing the line into painfully tight.

Merle, for his part, was desperately trying to block out the sounds of the wizard’s screams and just focus on the procedure. Practiced hands felt along Taako’s leg as he pulled and manipulated the bones back into place as best he could. It wasn’t going to be a perfect job, but it would be better than nothing, and would hopefully last them well enough until he could recover spell slots for some real healing. He twisted Taako’s leg sharply to the side, eliciting more popping sounds, and felt the bones under his hands slide closer to their right orientation.

“ _Gods, stop! Please s-stop_!” Taako sobbed between screams, nearly causing Merle to lose his concentration as tears started tracking their way down his wrinkled cheeks and into his beard. “It hurts, p-please!” Another twist and another scream. “ _Merle! Magnus_!”

“I’m here, Taako, I’m here!” Magnus hunched over to speak directly into one of the elf’s long ears, hoping some of his words made it through to his friend. He was fighting to speak through his own sobs now, gutted by the hopelessness oozing from every nerve in his body at his inability to ease Taako’s pain. “I know it hurts, buddy, but we’re almost done. You’re doing so well, and we’re nearly done.”

Down by Taako’s feet, Magnus watched as Merle made one final manipulation of the elf’s leg and held steady as Taako bucked in his arms at the ministrations, his screams having dissolved into hysterical sobs as he clawed at Magnus’s arm. “Mag… Magnus, p-please,” Taako struggled to make words through his staccato breath and frenzied cries. “P-please make it… m-make it s-stop…”

“I’m sorry, Taako, I…” Magnus buried his face in Taako’s hair as he tried to stifle his own tears, afraid they would only heighten his friend’s fear. “I’ve got you, you’re almost done,” he muttered and then looked back up at Merle. The cleric was now holding the pieces of wood to the sides of Taako’s leg, looking for the ones of the right size. Magnus absentmindedly shushed the wizard’s cries and ran his fingers through his hair as he watched Merle work, hoping the cleric was as close to being finished as he looked.

Finally satisfied with two well-sized branches, Merle set them aside and made quick work of cleaning and bandaging the cut across Taako’s shin. He hoped that after all that, the pain of the gash wouldn’t even register. He had done a lot of difficult things in his time as a cleric, but gods be, this one was up there. He knew he was helping Taako, that this was necessary if the elf wanted to keep his leg, but there was something that felt so fundamentally wrong about a cleric causing pain, especially to someone he cared about as much as he did Taako. And Magnus, for that matter. The human didn’t seem to be fairing much better. His eyes were nearly as red as his sideburns and he was holding on to Taako like a lifeline. It hurt Magnus to hold down his friend to endure such pain just as much as it did Merle to cause it.

Finishing with the gash, Merle moved on to the splint. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it would do the trick for now. He put the two branches on either side of Taako’s leg and secured them into place with the strips of Magnus’s ripped up shirt. As he tied the fabric together, Merle took the opportunity to look up at the elf and see how he was fairing. He had quieted since Merle stopped setting the bones, his screams now reduced to shuttering breaths that he heaved in and out like a drowning man. He was pale and shaking, blinking his eyes rapidly as if he were fighting off the urge to pass out, and his hands gripped Magnus’s arm in a vice. All in all, the poor kid did not look great, Merle thought as he secured the last bit of fabric in place. But he was alive, and that had to count for something.

“Alright, you’re all done,” Merle said, his voice gruff with emotion. “All finished, kid.”

Magnus deflated with relief, resting his forehead on top of Taako’s head. “You did it, buddy,” he loosened his grip on the elf and patted his chest. “You did it.”

It was unclear whether Magnus’s breathy comment was directed at Taako or Merle, maybe both. Either way, the cleric wasn’t quite finished yet.

“Alright, tough guy, your turn. Let me see that leg.”

Magnus looked up at Merle with confusion. “What do you mean? I’m fine,”

If he had the energy to do it, Merle would have rolled his eyes. Instead, he settled for a longsuffering sigh. “Come on, Magnus, you know what I mean. Let me rebandage that cut. You bled through my last wrapping.”

Magnus looked down at his leg and let out a little “huh,” of surprise, clearly not having even noticed this. He stretched out his injured leg with a wince as best he could without jostling the elf in his lap.

A calm encompassed their little camp as Merle silently rebandaged the fighter’s leg. The chirping of crickets and crackling of the fire spread over the three reclaimers like warm water, lulling them into a post-adrenaline haze. Magnus was leaned back, propping himself up with one hand while the other aimlessly carded through Taako’s frazzled hair. He stared with unfocused eyes into the fire, each slow blink threatening to pull him into sleep if it weren’t for Merle’s occasional tugs on his leg.

When Taako spoke, his voice was horse and uncharacteristically soft from the screaming.

“Guess you’re not such a shitty cleric after all.”

Merle huffed but didn’t look up from his work. He also steadfastly ignored the warm feeling that bloomed in his chest at these words. “You sure you don’t have some sort of head wound I need to look at?”

Taako hummed in response and closed his eyes as the camp fell silent once more. Merle thought the elf might have fallen asleep, but he spoke again without opening his eyes.

“Thank you both. For saving me. And jamming my leg bones back into place.”

The other two both laughed softly, though with a grimace, the sounds of Taako’s cries of pain still all too fresh in their minds.

“We’ll always come to save you, buddy,” Magnus assured as he moved his hand from Taako’s hair to his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“What did you mean earlier,” Merle began as he finished tying off the fresh bandage. “when you said you were alone? When you told those goblins that Magnus and I had already left?”

Taako opened his eyes, but he didn’t immediately answer. He swallowed. Attempted to shift a bit and hissed when the movement reached his leg. Flopped back against Magnus with a sigh. Closed his eyes again.

“I just… I didn’t want to drag you two into that shit.” He finally said, his voice so quiet it was almost lost in the crickets’ song. “I knew you two were just as fucked as I was and there was no point in getting you two involved.”

“No point?” Magnus asked incredulously. “Taako, they were about to kill you.”

“Well, better one of us than all three of us,” Taako replied without meeting either of their gazes.

Magnus gave Taako’s shoulder a gentle shake. “No, it’s either none of us or all three of us.”

Merle scoffed from where he had moved over by the pot of stew where he was ladling the dish into three bowls. “That’s rich coming from you.”

Magnus at least had the good grace to bow his head in admonishment as he accepted a bowl from Merle. “That’s fair.” He mumbled softly.

“It was just my turn to play the self-sacrificing idiot this time,” Taako said as he peered into his bowl of stew suspiciously when Merle handed it too him. “The line for ‘thank you’s will form to my right.”

Merle smiled as he settled back down by the fire, happy to see Taako regaining some of his usual sarcasm, even if it was coated in exhaustion.

“Eat up, you two.” Merle said. “Food and then straight to bed.”

“Yes, _dad_ ,” Magnus drawled into his bowl as he took a sip, foregoing a spoon. Taako snickered and Merle just barely managed to force a glower onto his face.

There was quiet after that. None of them had the energy to stand guard for the night, so they would just have to risk going without. Afterall, they reasoned, it wasn’t like they could do much in their current states anyway.

So all three settled in for the night and finally, _finally_ got some rest.

~~~~~

As Taako went to unconsciously roll over, he was pulled from his meditation for the third time that night by a flash of pain in his leg. Breathing through the discomfort, the elf took a moment to look around and check on his companions. Merle was passed out on the other side of the fire, somehow snoring on both the inhale and the exhale, as he usually did. Closer to him was Magnus, the fighter cradling his axe in a way that was definitely going to give him a very rude and sharp awakening one of these days.

Gazing over at the embers that had been their campfire, Taako reached out and used a cantrip to reignite the flames. It felt good to use his magic again, even if he could tell that he hadn’t had a long enough rest to regain all his spell slots. The powerless feeling that had overcome him when he couldn’t defend himself with his magic had scared Taako more than he liked to admit.

Just as Taako was considering changing the dancing flames to rainbow colors just to show he could, his ears twitched up as he caught the sound of someone walking in the distance. As he laid there stock still, not even daring to breathe, he quickly picked up the sound of more than one set of feet, and they were getting closer.

Well, shit.

Acting quickly, Taako grabbed the Umbra Staff at his side and reached out, just barely managing to poke Magnus in the side without having to move too much. It took a few prods, but finally the fighter startled awake with a snort.

“W’s happ’n?” he slurred, not even opening his eyes as he reflexively raised Railsplitter.

“Someone’s coming,” Taako whispered. That seemed to do the trick, as Magnus blinked owlishly a few times before jumping up as the words set in. He limped over to Merle and gave him a shake, relaying the information to the cleric as he was dragged into consciousness.

Taako managed to get himself somewhat propped up in a sitting position with the Umbra Staff held out in front of him, while the other two moved on silent feet to stand defensively over him. Anything wanting to hurt Taako again would have to go through them first.

The sounds of crunching footsteps making their way towards them were now close enough that Magnus and Merle could hear them without the advanced hearing that Taako had.

“Sounds like two, maybe three,” Magnus whispered.

“Bigger than goblins though,” replied Taako before he cleared his throat and called out, “Alright, buddy, I’m so not in the mood for this. One more step and I fireball your ass!”

There was silence for a moment as the sounds of the footsteps stopped. Magnus and Merle looked nervously back and forth between Taako and the trees, not sure if the wizard was bluffing or if he really had regained enough strength to make good on his threat. If he was honest, Taako wasn’t really sure either.

When another beat of silence passed without hearing the footsteps get closer or start to retreat, Taako raised his Umbra Staff a little higher and yelled, “I’m giving you to the count of three to turn around and walk away! One!”

He reached deep within himself to try and charge up a fireball.

“Two!”

Taako could feel it; he didn’t quite have it in him to cast the spell. Maybe if he just tried a little harder…

“Thr-”

“Taako?”

He paused as a familiar voice called out his name. Above him, Magnus straightened.

“Killian?”

And then the footsteps grew closer and closer until out of the bushes popped a familiar face, a relieved smile spreading across her lips.

“There you goofuses are! We’ve been worried sick about you!”

“Oh, thank Istus,” Taako breathed as he flopped back down, tossing his Umbra Staff aside. “That was about to be the most pathetic attempt at a fireball I’ve ever done.”

“Hello, sirs!” Came a high voice as none other than Angus McDonald popped out from behind Killian, quickly followed by Carey.

“Agnus, what are you doing here?” Merle asked as he sat back down on his bedroll.

“Looking for you!” Carey exclaimed.

“Yes, seeing as I’m the world’s greatest detective and all, they thought I could find you the fastest!”

The three of them exchanged confused glances before Carey stalked up to Magnus and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” he pouted, rubbing his sore arm. Carey almost looked like she was going to punch him again, but Killian put a hand on her shoulder before she could.

“You three missed your check in.”

Magnus cringed. “Oops.”

“Yeah, oops. And then you wouldn’t answer your stones.”

“We were… a little preoccupied,” Merle said tiredly, and it was then that the regulators noticed Taako had yet to get up, and their gazes were drawn to his splinted leg.

“What happened?” Killian asked, concern coloring her tone. Angus was already kneeled next to his mentor, his face stricken.

“The same goblins from before,” Magnus began before nodding his head to silently lead the two a few paces away from the others, specifically Angus, who’s fluttering hands where straightening out Taako’s clothes as if that could provide some sort of comfort to the elf. Taako batted his hands away halfheartedly.

“We’ve got to get him back to the base as soon as possible,” Magnus said lowly. He swallowed hard, trying not to think too hard about the events of the past night. “It was… bad. Merle could only set the bones back into place, but he’s out of spell slots so he couldn’t do any healing.”

“Where are the goblins now?” asked Killian as Carey scanned the surrounding forest suspiciously.

“Dead.” Magnus’s tone was uncharacteristically hard and cold, and Carey and Killian exchanged a quick glance before the rogue changed the subject.

“Well, we managed to find a clearing to land in about an hour’s hike that way,” Carey pointed over her shoulder. “We could have you all safely back to base within a few hours.”

“I think Taako might need an assist with that walk,” Magnus said, and when Carey gave him a hard look, he sighed in defeat. “Yeah, I think I might need an assist, too.”

“Mm-hm, that’s what I thought, you big lug.” Carey muttered as she tugged one of Magnus’s arms over her shoulders to offer support.

“I can handle Taako,” Killian said, stepping back towards the elf.

“Ah, my chariot awaits!” Taako announced as Killian neared, his tone a tired ghost of his usual theatrics. Her only response was to roll her eyes as she knelt down next to him. “Angus, be a dear and fetch my hat, would you?”

Killian didn’t miss how Taako conveniently shooed the boy wonder away right when she was about to pick him up, meaning Angus missed how Taako hissed in pain as he was lifted.

“Careful, darling, I’m damaged goods here,” he grimaced, but wiped the look off his face in time to nod thanks to Angus as his signature pointy hat was carefully placed on his head.

“Now, don’t any of you go undoing all my hard work,” warned Merle as he gathered up the last few supplies from around their campsite. “I’m a cleric, not a charity worker. There’s only so many times I’ll rebandage the same leg before I’m going to start charging for it,”

“You have our word that we’ll get your boys back in one piece, Merle,” Carey reassured as she began to lead the way into the forest. Magnus made a halfhearted attempt at punching her shoulder.

When no classic Taako brand of sarcasm comment came from the elf in her arms, Killian looked down in surprise, only for it to melt into sympathy at the sight. Taako was pale, his eyes squeezed shut, and she could see his jaw clenching and unclenching with every step that jostled his leg. She made a conscious effort to even out her gait.

“Don’t worry, Taako, we’re not far now,”

Taako startled at her words and his eyes flew open as if he were coming out of a trance. He blinked slowly a few times before his tired gaze swept sluggishly ahead to Magnus and Carey. After lingering a few seconds on their staggering forms, he looked around, frowning as he didn’t find what he was looking for.

“’s Merle?” he muttered, and Killian could practically see him losing energy by the second.

“He’s just behind us,” she answered, looking back at the cleric and giving him a meaningful look. “With Angus.”

“Good, good,” Taako’s eyes slipped shut again. “Then I think… I’m just gonna… dip for a minute…” the elf fell silent, his head lulling to the side. Killian felt a thrill of panic and had Merle’s name on her lips when a wooden hand came up to gently touch Taako’s forehead.

“He’s just unconscious,” the cleric reassured her. Killian breathed a sigh of relief. “Probably for the best.”

She nodded, squaring her shoulders and holding the elf in her arms a little tighter. “Alright then, let’s get home.”

~~~~~

Merle picked idly at a leaf growing out of his wooden arm, staring off into space. The reclaimer’s suite was silent save for the soft snores coming out of Magnus, who was passed out on the couch, the only remnant of his leg injury a jagged, bloodstained tear in his pant leg and a fresh pink scar underneath.

When they had finally returned to the base, the three of them had been quickly ushered off to the base’s clerics, despite weak protests from the two conscious members of tres horny bois. Merle had been looked over, a few minor scrapes and bruises healed, and then sent on his way with strict instructions to rest. Magnus had taken a little longer, what with his cut, but had shambled into their suite not long after Merle, where he had promptly collapsed on the couch and not so much as twitched since.

Merle knew he should go to bed. They were back on base now – everyone had gotten home safe. Relatively. But the dwarf also knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep until their wizard had returned and he had both his boys in the same room again.

So Merle waited. He replayed the events of the previous day in his mind over and over again, looking for where he could have saved a spell slot, where he had gotten carried away or lazy with unnecessary magic. He knew he was a shitty cleric, but he was trying to get better. There must have been something he could have done differently. He started the fight over again in his mind.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and Merle’s gaze snapped back into focus. Taako made his way into the living room, two crutches tucked under one arm. He was limping heavily.

“You know, they gave you those for a reason,” Merle scolded, his voice soft enough to not wake Magnus, though the cleric was fairly convinced that the moon could drop right out of the sky and Magnus would sleep through it.

“They’re loud and hurt my armpits,” grumbled Taako as he hobbled towards the bathroom. “I’m going to shower.”

“Don’t fall over,” Merle cautioned, and the wizard pinned him with a withering glare before disappearing into the bathroom.

Okay, _now_ Merle should probably get to bed. Taako was back. An injury that bad would take time and a few more sessions with the clerics to fully heal, but he was on the mend. He could rest now.

But then again…

Maybe he should wait until Taako is done showering, just in case the knucklehead slips and breaks something else. He might as well at this point – a few more minutes wouldn’t make a difference. He sighed. Replayed the fight one more time in his head. Adjusted the blanket he had thrown over Magnus. Inspected a new bud forming on his wooden arm. He was about two thirds of the way through mentally fighting the goblins again when Taako finally emerged from the shower, his hair falling in long, loose strands down his back. He limped over to Merle.

“You going to bed, old man?”

“In a minute. Sit down.” Merle motioned to the spot on the floor in from of where he was seated on the couch by Magnus’s feet. Taako didn’t question the request, just limped over and awkwardly lowered himself to the ground, attempting to bend his leg as little as possible.

Once he was seated, Merle brushed his fingers through Taako’s hair a few times to get out any knots before he began sectioning off portions for a braid. The elf leaned back into the touch, his eyes sliding closed.

“How’s the leg?” Merle asked after a few moments of silence. Taako shrugged.

“Sore. Better than it was.”

Merle grunted in response, his fingers continuing their task. It was quite for a few more minutes.

“You did good, Merle,” Taako’s voice was soft, but his words startled Merle into pausing briefly in his work. “That couldn’t have been easy, but you did it. And it saved me a lot of pain, so… thanks.”

Merle did his best to ignore the warm feeling blooming in his chest as he focused on the braiding again.

“You did good, too. It was brave of you to try and protect us like that.” Merle gave Taako’s ear a little flick, causing it to twitch forward as the elf made a small noise of protest. “Incredibly stupid and not at all thought through and it was about to get you killed… but brave.”

“Yeah, well…” Taako trailed off, not sure how to respond.

Merle’s deft fingers finished off the braid and he reached out a hand for one of the hair ties Taako always kept around his wrist. Tying it off, Merle patted Taako on the shoulder.

“There, now off to bed with you,” Taako reached back to run a hand down his newly plaited hair, humming softly in approval. He then began the laborious process of getting back up, which was eventually accomplished when Merle got off the couch to grab his hands and lever him up.

“Alright, you too, old man. I would say you need your beauty sleep, but I think that’s a lost cause.”

Merle opened his mouth in feigned hurt. “Excuse you, but I am quite the catch by dwarven standards. Oh, the stories I could tell of all the lucky people I have wooed…”

Taako threw his hands over his ears. “Oh my gods ew, nope, and fuck you for doing this when I can’t run away,” he moaned as he hobbled as fast as he could towards his room. “I’m going to have nightmares now thanks to you.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Merle called as he headed off towards his own room with one last glance at Magnus to make sure he was settled for the night. “And come get me if that leg is bothering you too bad. I should have a spell slot back here in an hour or two.”

Taako’s face melted into a rare fond grin. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Goodnight, Merle.”

“Night, Taako,”

And with that, a quiet calm settled over the suite as the three reclaimers got some much needed rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all this piece of fic is so well traveled. I worked on this on sandy beaches. I worked on it at Mt. Baker base camp and Mt. Rainier base camp. I wrote it by the light of my headlamp in a tent in rural Nepal. It kept me company for six hours in the Qatar airport. I wrote it in boats, planes, cars, and buses. Y’all. This story has been with me for so long. I cannot believe I have finally finished it. Why did it take so long??? 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
